you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
