why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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