And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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