dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
