the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize