Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
