i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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