I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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