first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
