I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
