there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize