so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
