She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize