Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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