he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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