someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
