I wish I could teleport
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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