After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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