if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
