Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
