i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
