We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As shirtless as possible
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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