is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
