I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
