..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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