Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
