So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
