you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
