Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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