I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize