Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
