He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
