apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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