My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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