Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
