if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
