Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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