I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
