i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
