u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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