I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
