Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
