Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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