dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
