it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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