i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
