Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
