I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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