Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
