i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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