I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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