omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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