I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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