I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
