GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
