It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
