Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
