If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
