We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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