I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
