We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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