Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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