im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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