Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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