you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
please don't ironically join a cult
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