I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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