The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
