Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
