I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
