Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
