I wish I only lived at night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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