Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
