the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
