over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
