Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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